James Vandenberg (jvandenberg) wrote,
James Vandenberg

Diet Book

You know, I want to see some sort of diet/exercise/general-shit-together-ness advice book that avoids these reasons why I hate them:

1. "Boil the bran for two hours, mix in a little watered down skim milk, and enjoy!" Firstly, I don't have two hours to boil my bran (euphemism gnome likes that phrase) and secondly, you know that the 'enjoy' is sarcastic

2. "Here's our pseudoscienterriffic theory as to why you are such a fatty boom-ba, fatty boom-ba!" While some of them may be right, they often have no evidence behind them, or half a physiology textbook put in a blender until the right answers come out. Or they just claim science is on their side, while promoting their sponsors product (I am looking at you, CSIRO turtle well-being!)

3. "Eat more Obscura, also known as Peruvian Unknown Vegetable," without giving advice on how to cook it, or obtain it, or what it looks like, but regaling me with just how great it's taurostercols are.

4. Having recipes that require more than one pot, or has no easy way to cut down the number of serves the recipe without having half an avocado or something like that hanging around in the fridge.

5. Exercise programs that assume that you can spend money on a gym membership, or that you don't find running an incredibly painful experience (this might just be me and my evil feet of strangeness.)

6. Diet books that assume I'm female. While folate is important, I don't think I'll be giving birth to any kids with or without neural tube defects. And I don't think I have to worry about losing iron once a month. Also, I don't need to be told that there's no way of losing weight off my hips but not off my breasts. They are also a problem, if you see what I mean.

So what I want is a book with the title or tagline that runs something like "How to eat tasty, healthy, and easy meals and exercise to get a buff bod for fat, stressed, busy, poor and somewhat disorganised bachelors."

And if I can't find one, I might just end up writing it myself.

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